We’ve all had conversations where you suspect the person you are talking to is quietly waiting for you to shut up long enough for them to interject their opinion; and you can tell this because nothing they say seems influenced by what you have said, especially if they didn’t acknowledge what you said, or how you felt. “Enough about you, let’s talk about me.”
Often if either party is not listening purposefully, you have what Covey (2007) calls Collective Monologue. This is similar to preschoolers engaging in parallel play, where each is sitting in the sandpit with their toys separately near the other but not interfering with their toys. In the same way we have conversations where we share our ideas but are protective of their implications and our desired outcomes, robbing ourselves of finding common ground. Covey’s 5th habit is one that everyone should practice just out of annoyance, but the motivation to make likely a win-win situation where you end up with a solution not previously expected is even more profound. Building the foundation for effective communication takes work. Without judging, or probing, or advising, relying on your autobiography, which can be perceived as coming from a place of not understanding, or condescension, one should repeat in your own words what they have said. In addition to showing that you’ve heard their words, you ought to relay that you understood their feelings, and go from there. At this point, the person you are talking to should open up in a solutions oriented manner, revealing a space where you can both reside. From that place of commonality can come great things. I try very hard never to use the phrase, “in the real world” when talking to my students, because it implicitly communicates my perception of their world less than real, or pertinent to seriousness. If I’m trying to connect curriculum to the “world beyond school,” I may use those words or “the adult working world.” It sets the groundwork for respectful conversations, as they see that I understand that their experiences are complicated. Feeling validated, empathic listening is more likely to be reciprocated. Class meetings are an excellent place to model and teach this way of communicating. So often students react to situations having taken things personally, often not aware of the weight of their words, and once they appreciate the other person’s perspective the emotion leaves the situation and a solution is reached. Empathic listening gives them the opportunity to systematically and sincerely get to a better place, an environment more conducive to social and academic growth.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWhy'd I do that? Archives
December 2016
Categories |